Only the beginning

Exactly two weeks ago today, I arrived back at home after spending ten weeks doing mission work in (in my opinion) the most beautiful country on this planet. Many, actually ALL of you, who have spoken to me since have asked me the same question: “How are you doing transitioning back into America?” And I have generally answered the same way each time… “Oh it’s not so bad, been an adjustment for sure but I am doing well.”

First let me say that I am truly grateful for all of you who have cared so much to ask about my trip and spent hours listening to stories of my travels around Belize. I am blessed to have such a good support system of family and friends. And I want to apologize to anyone who I have not really responded to yet about my trip because, well, it feels overwhelming and slightly impossible to describe the life changing impact this summer had on me in just a few short sentences.

To be completely honest I’m not sure I really know how to answer that question I’ve been hearing on almost a daily basis for the last two weeks. “How are you doing being back at home Shannon?”

Well...

“How AM I doing?” I ask myself.

Have I taken the time to really process what just happened these last ten weeks?

Or have I simply jumped back into my American life again like it was all a big dream that I finally woke up from in my own comfy bed on the morning of August 13^th?

The reality is that I don’t know how I am doing just yet. I don’t know how to think about Belize yet without feeling slightly lost in my emotions. I gained a family down there. I loved on people more than I’ve ever loved in my entire life. I discovered who I am in ways that I never thought possible. I was healed of some painful wounds from my past, renewed, and restored into an independent and confident woman and then thrown back into my home in the blink of an eye.

I loved it. I miss it. Sometimes so much that it really hurts.

Don’t get me wrong, I am SO grateful to be home. I love my family more than words can express and seeing them and my friends these last two weeks have lifted my spirits more and more each day. I am happy, amazed, and in love with my life here in Seattle and this is not a post that is meant to turn be a sob session.

It is just a post to express the simultaneous heartbreak I feel upon leaving the place, and people, that I fell absolutely in love with this summer.

You see it’s hard to go from a daily routine of meeting new people, making new friends, loving more children, holding more little ones, being out of my comfort zone, relying on God alone, stretching, loving, and growing back to a routine of living comfortably at home and seeing only the same faces again every day. (Amazing faces by the way!) I knew this was coming, but I didn’t know it would be so hard. After all, this was all I knew before Belize, wasn’t it? 

 But that’s just the thing. I am not the same Shannon I was before Belize. My world has expanded. New lenses have been opened in my eyes and I see things in a different light. I look at the very same places, people, and things here in Seattle and I don’t SEE the very same places, people, and things. It is amazing, yet somewhat of a struggle. I see a child walking down the street and immediately want to go pick them up and spin them around and love on them and take them home and hear all about their life. Then I remember where I am and how weird their parents might look at me if I did that…and how I don’t’ actually want to get the cops called on me any time soon. J

So this got me feeling slightly discouraged and frustrated at my own country and the social norms that dictate so much of the way we live. I felt so homesick for Belize and wished I could just go back.

“Take me back… take me back… God please take me back to Belize?” I pleaded. 

No answer.

So I did what I usually do when I’m upset and I ate chocolate (because chocolate fixes all my problems obviously!) And it’s funny, I opened my little piece of Dove chocolate and on the inside of the wrapper was printed a few encouraging words. “You are exactly where you are supposed to be,” read the wrapper. I stared at that for a minute and chuckled to myself. “Thanks you, Jesus.” I thought.

And the reality is that it’s the truth. I am EXACTLY where I am supposed to be. Right here, in Seattle, going to school, with many loved ones surrounding me and no matter how confusing it may seem at times I know it’s all a part of a bigger master plan for my life. So I am going to stop believing that I can only do the things I did in Belize…. IN Belize. Because really, I can love just as many people here, just as deeply, build just as strong relationships and rely just as much on God as I did down there. It is up to me how I want this transition to go and although I know it will still be hard at times, at least I know it will all be worth it in the end.

I had the most amazing, challenging yet rewarding, and life changing summer. I will never forget what I learned in Belize. I will never forget my new family and all my amazing friends down there. And I will go back one day FOR SURE… but until then, I will just continue to bring the love of Belize up here to Seattle. J

Thank you all so much for reading my blog this summer. Thank you for the support, I love and appreciate every one of you more than you know. This was a summer I will never, ever forget and I feel blessed to have had this opportunity at the young age of 20. I can't wait to see what the next chapter of my life will bring.

With much love from Seattle (& Belize at heart!),

Shannon

The calm before the storm

Things have been soooo crazy down here as Hurricane Ernesto slowly but surely approaches Belize... I don't have the energy right now to do a whole blogpost on it so all I will do is copy and paste from my facebook status from this morning to give you guys an idea of what's going on...

"Well, looks like Ernesto is expected to hit sometime tonight at the Belize/Mexico border which is about 38 miles from here... I am in a safe location at D'Victoria hotel here in Orange Walk if you want to keep watch on the news later. The rain and wind have just now began and as the Hurricane gets closer we are expected to lose power so I don't know if I will be able to update you all but we are stocked up on food and water and continued prayers would be awesome...thanks everyone! Pray for Belize! ♥"

Thank you for your prayers everyone! Love you and will keep you posted.

-Shannon

Ten Days Left

Ten days. Ten short days left… can you believe it?!

I can’t.

I can’t BELIZE it! Haha… sorry, I’ve been wanting to do that for a really long time. Had to get it out of my system at some point. ;) 

But really though. It feels like just yesterday I was

running frantically through Wal-Mart with my mom trying to buy last minute supplies for the summer.

Or I was on a plane in the middle of the night, anxiously waiting for my arrival in this beautiful country.

Or on Caye Caulker with the entire staff and all of the Belizean pastors, learning how to speak Creol as they laughed at my ridiculous accent…

It feels like no time at all has passed since my wonderful friends from Chattanooga and I made our way to our first meal at Pastor Ermilio and Consuelos house.

And since I was reunited with Camilo again in San Luis.

And hugging Jamylee so tightly in Libertad… then staying up

late talking to Lani about it that night.

I can’t believe it has been this long since my week off on the Caye, when Kelly and I went to San Pedro and both got sick off of that sketchy ice cream we ate. (hahah)

Or the morning I had that two hour breakfast with those nice people from Lebanon at Happy Lobster.

It seems like I was JUST watching my own youth group walk off of the plane in Belize with overwhelming excitement as Pastor Angel laughed at my emotional self

And I watched as the lives of people I actually knew were transformed in one week…

And we shared tears, laughter, and love, all on the roof of Pancho Villas Hotel.

I can still remember so clearly how delicious that barbeque chicken was at Tabernacle Bautista the night my friends from Virginia and I first arrived in Belmopan.

And the smile on little Joselyn’s face when I handed her two new pairs of shoes.

And the feeling of the hot wind on my face while speeding down the dirt roads on the back of Jose’s motorcycle because my group “accidentally” left me… hahaha (I still forgive you guys don’t worry!)

Yet here I am now, in a cute little village called Yo Creek, almost ready to say goodbye to another phenomenal group of people. And to say hello to my seventh, and final, group of the summer...

It is June 4^th, and I can still see the semi-anxious look on Elizabeth’s face as I shouted for the first time “One day down, sixty nine left to go!”

Well, guess what now Elizabeth?

Sixty days down – ten left to go.

We did it. J

Now let’s finish off this summer strong!

"For I was hungry..."

This week, I have witnessed by far the most severe poverty I’ve ever seen in my life. I remember growing up, seeing these types of things on those sad charity commercials. You know, the kids living on dirt floors…no shoes… no bed… etc, etc. But none of those commercials could ever do justice to the reality I faced today. Because it was one thing for me to see it on t.v. when I knew it was far away from me, as I watched in my comfortable home, on my comfortable couch, cozied up with a cup of tea in my nice clean clothes. I would see it and think, “aw man, that’s really sad,” until the next commercial came on and suddenly that thought disappeared like sand through my fingers.

But when I walked up to the homes of multiple families today after driving through the remote dirt roads of Belmopan and saw it with my own eyes, I couldn’t help but feel extremely overwhelmed. This time it was real, it was right in front of my eyes and I couldn’t change the channel to make it go away.

We were delivering bags of food to these families. A few bags of rice, beans, some top ramen and cooking oil. Something most people would eat at home when simply trying to make “ends meet.” Truth is, this ended up being one of the biggest gifts and a delicacy to these people. They just could not thank us enough. We probably spent under $10 U.S. dollars on each bag of food.

It was one of those moments where we all couldn’t help but to cry. Almost every woman in our mission group was crying, the men holding it together silently with a loss of words as well. At one point, we walked into the home of old old man who probably weighed about 100 pounds. I could see his ribs clearly. This man lives in a hut that was about 8 feet wide and 9 feet long with walls made of skinny round wooden logs, and a thatch hut ceiling. It had no floor, he lived on the dirt ground and pretty much all that was in his home was a wooden bed with some pillows and a metal pot which I am assuming he cooks his rice in for his daily meal. Regardless of his incredibly heart wrenching situation, he was a great man of faith and praised God for “all that he does have.” My first thought was… what DO you have? You don’t have a floor, you don’t have enough to eat, you don’t have clean clothes… your entire house is smaller than bedroom at home! How is that fair? But he continued to express that he is thankful and gave praise.

Then we visited three families who basically lived out in the jungle. They were immigrants from Guatemala and are here illegally. They lived in little tin homes that were falling apart. I looked inside one of them and again saw dirt floor, one bed, and one chair. If the government catches them living here, they are forced to take down there homes, dig farther into the jungle and put their homes back together again hoping not to get caught next time. These people were so poor I think my jaw dropped the whole time I was in there. What if another hurricane comes? Their house will be lifted and gone in the blink of an eye… I asked my trip leader why they immigrated here to live in such horrible conditions and he responded, “because this is probably still better than anything they could get back at home.”

And then there was the woman with the sick baby. Her little one year old had a big swollen foot with some skin infection on it. She has had a fever for days but they don’t have money to take her to the doctor… they barely even have money to feed their children. Will her baby be okay? Will she live through this sickness, whatever it might be?

The crazy thing is that, of all the people we visited today, they each had one thing in common. They were extremely grateful and faithful people. Every one of them expressed how blessed they were to even be alive and how much they loved the Lord. I have to be completely honest… I was shocked when I heard those words. I felt like there was just no way that could be true. “How could anyone POSSIBLY be grateful living in conditions like these?!” I thought. “If they are this poor and sick…where is their faith even coming from?”  But then it hit me… maybe I should be asking MYSELF that question instead.

Where does my faith come from? Does it come from a real, honest trust in God or does it come from my dependency on my comfortable world? I felt really challenged by that today. I honestly don’t think that I would be as strong as those people if I were living their life. I would be angry… bitter. “Life is so unfair” I would say. I still do say that! But these people did not have one complaint. Not one. They were smiling, kind, thanking us and repeating over and over “God bless you!”

I think this shook my world up quite a bit. I am going to be thinking about it and processing it for a long time, wondering how to make sense of it all. I wish I could take away all the poverty in the world, but I can’t. What I can do, though, is help one person at a time. I have always heard “preach the gospel at all times…when necessary, use words.” To live like Jesus means to simply give all you can into loving and serving other people. Today I noticed that my sweet little friend Joselyn who is five years old hadn’t been wearing shoes since we first arrived in the village. I asked her where her shoes were and she told me she doesn’t have any. So the girls and me walked to the store and I got the opportunity to buy Joselyn two cute new pairs of pink princess shoes. J She was so excited and wouldn’t stop hugging me all day!

The world is a very, very hard place. But if the people I met today taught me one thing, it is that there is hope in Christ. I hope that I can be even half as faithful as they are one day. Until then I am just going to continue to do what I can to help one person at a time. After all, if  you can’t change the whole world, at least you can change one persons world.

“For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

-Matthew 25:35-40

Off to the capital!

Well, we had to send John Knox back home yesterday. It was such a bittersweet moment... bitter because I got really close with all of them and wish they could have stayed longer, but sweet because it was truly one of the best trips I've ever been on and I know every one of the JKPC kids had an amazing week!! The last two days were finished off strong. We did more home projects and finished the burglar bars on the church as well as some overall cleaning up.

The farewell church service Tuesday night was beautiful. Many of our students went to the front and shared what this trip has meant to them.  Then, a bunch of the Belizean church members went to the front and spoke about how grateful they are and how we are "family" to them. There were sooo many tears it was amazing. Some of the kids cried from the moment they entered the church until the moment they left because they were so sad we were leaving. It broke my heart! The deep connection between John Knox and El Buen Pastor has definitely built up throughout the years and I feel blessed to be able to witness it. Love was all around us and sincere joy was felt by everyone that night.

I wish  I had more time to write about all the things I want to write about, but in about 30 minutes I am leaving the Caye to pick up my next group at the airport. They are from Virginia! We will be in Belmopan, the capital of Belize for this trip and I'm super excited! Please continue to pray for the groups coming down, all the children and people that we work with in Belize and for me and my health. I have been doing great these last few weeks as far as my health goes! I can't believe Monday marks 7 weeks that I have been in Belize... only 3 left after that!

Hopefully I get more time to write soon, I don't know when I will have internet next but it might not be until next week. I would love to upload pictures too when I get the chance. Busy busy busy!

Love you all :)
-Shannon

A taste of home

Buenos Días de Orange Walk!

For those of you who don't know, my home church youth group, John Knox Presbyterian, is HERE!! Including Dave, Brian, Sue-Ann, and students that I actually KNOW! And I am one of the leaders for their mission trip here in Orange Walk this year. How cool is that?? I am so blessed. :) We picked JKPC up from the airport on Thursday the 12th and will be dropping them back off this Thursday the 19th. And since there is a bit of a rain/thunder storm going on right now, I thought I would send a mid-week update on the trip!

It has already been such an amazing week so far. The first night jkpc arrived we got all settled in to Louisiana Government School, where they are staying for the week, and then we walked on down the street to have dinner and church service at El Buen Pastor, which is Pastor Angel's church and the church we are working with for the week. John Knox has actually been doing week long mission trips to El Buen Pastor for four years now, and the two churches have recently joined together in an official partnership which is just awesome! It is so cool to see the HUGE impact John Knox has had on this little community in Orange Walk. You can see it in the people, the church (which is just beautiful now), the community, the children... everywhere. There has been this overwhelming sense of love and gratefulness from the moment we arrived that shines through every corner of this place. SO MUCH LOVE. The way life should be. :)

The next morning we had breakfast at 7:30am and set off for work day #1. This day was fairly light on the workload as it consisted of mostly painting jobs at the church and at Rosendo's house, and preparing the burglar bars to be set in at El Buen Pastor. After work we enjoyed Leonora's delicious cooking for lunch and then prepared for the first day of VBS. VBS was soooo much fun! They opened with a hilarious skit (Jenna S. is an awesome superhero btw and Hudson H. plays a hilarious "tree") and then we split off into groups for craft time, story time, and games/sports. There was a really good turnout of probably 50+ kids and lots of laughter and craziness everywhere. I realized that I am the absolute happiest when I'm surrounded by a bunch of cute little Belizean kiddos playing and laughing and tickling and just feeling so much love in the air. :) You can tell that so many of the kids crave the kind of love that we give them because they don't get very much of it in their every day lives. How cool is it that we get to come down here and give them the most simple, yet greatest gift they could ever ask for... love?!

Anyways, that night we had free time and hung out, played card games and flyers up or as Dave calls it "500" (because he is old we decided) haha. Marvin, an eleven year old boy who has been around all four years, played with us. He is so sweet but has definitely had a hard life. His parents make him go around on his bike every day selling donuts or other food items that they cook and he must sell everything before he is allowed back into his home for the night. Sometimes it takes him until very late to get everything sold but he gets punished if he goes home with anything left so he stays out until it is all gone. Heartbreaking. So obviously, since they are only $1 belize, we buy off everything from him and let him play with us for the rest of the day. It has been that way for years now. Also Alexis I told him you say hi and that you love him and he smiled really big! :) 

The second work day was the hardest work day they will have this week. They mixed and made cement from scratch and poured an entire concrete foundation for the home of a man named Freddy and his wife Alba. The house is only 18 by 12 feet. They live in that one room with all of their belongings, and had been living on a dirt floor for years until now. They were SO grateful and the jkpc kids worked harder than I've ever seen and finished that floor in about 3 hours. It almost made me want to cry, I'm not sure why haha. I guess I cry a lot here but mostly tears of overwhelming joy because there is nothing better than seeing people who deserve it be blessed like that. 

Day two of VBS went well and there were more and more kids that showed up which was great. Little Joshua is my favorite... he is the coolest kid ever!! He is seven years old and is Luda's little brother. Joshua has the biggest sweetest smile and an even bigger personality. I just want to hangout with him all of the time because he makes me so happy. Also, yesterday Angel took Sue-Ann and I to do some errands and we stopped by the home of these four children who lost both of their parents to AIDS last year and are now living with their aunt in a very small, two roomed tin-roofed home with all their cousins too. They lost everything when their parents died and El Buen Pastor tries to help these kids out when they can. Sue-Ann and I met them and wrote down their names, favorite color, and shoe size and we are going to go shopping today to buy them all their school supplies and backpacks for next year and new shoes too!! I am so EXCITED! :) They are the sweetest kids and try really hard in school so Angel says the church tries to help them out when they can (their parents were both members of the church). 

Yesterday we went, ON BOAT, to Lamanai which was more amazing than I even remember it being. It was like a safari ride through the jungle! Lamanai was good and we got lucky to have the sun out with no rainfall this year. There was a lot of Tarzan-like swinging on vines that went on this year too... don't worry we will have videos to share of that when they get back! Last night was the Sunday night church service and it was beautiful. Afterwards, we all hung outside of the church for a good 45 mins. and played with the kids. Then we all walked to the ice cream shop a few blocks away and enjoyed some yummy ice cream. I would say it was a goooood, good day.

Today and tomorrow are our last two work days and Wednesday we head out to the Caye. I will update you all on the last couple of days at the end of this week... which I REALLY don't want to ever arrive because then that means John Knox has to leave! Noooooo.... :( I asked Dave if they could possibly stay for the next four weeks with me and he said he doesn't think the parents would be too on board for that idea soooo I was pretty bummed. Haha. 

Well if you are a JKPC member reading this please let the parents know that their kids are doing AWESOME and have been perfectly healthy and all having the greatest time so far. El Buen Pastor cannot repeat to us enough how truly blessed they feel to have us back again for the fourth year. I wish you all could see the joy in their faces! I hope things back in Seattle are well and I will be posting again at the end of this week. 

Have a happy Monday everyone! 

-Shannon :) 

We will never be the same

      

       

         On day three of my trip in Libertad one of the local girls at VBS came up to me and told me she recognized me. She asked if I’d been there before and I said no, so she proceeded to introduce herself to me. Her name was Jamylee Rubio and she is 11 years old.  We got to talking and made a connection right away, she seemed to really be drawn to me so we ended up spending the whole day playing together. It stayed like this throughout the week, spending most of each day together. One day, we were sitting talking and she asked me what my life was like. So I told her the basic things… family, school, friends, etc. Then I asked her the same question. And with all honesty, I can say that this girl has the hardest life story I have ever heard in my entire life. It was just one heart-wrenching thing after another. As she spoke her face filled with pain of acceptance for things that, at 11 years old, I could never even dream of experiencing in my life. I promised her I wouldn’t tell anyone some of the things she told me, so I can’t exactly share them on here…

            Just know that we talked, we cried, we hugged and held each other, and by the end of the conversation she was asking me with desperation in her eyes if there was any way she could come to the U.S. and live with me to get out of her situation in Libertad. “Can’t you help me? Can’t you please take me with you? I will do whatever it takes… I will get my visa. I will work. I will behave and be good. I won’t bother you too much I promise!” Man was this painful for me. After hearing all that she had told me, I was already in shock for a lot of reasons. Then, to respond with “I’m so sorry Jamylee, but I can’t do that“ to her desperate plea… I felt almost as trapped as she was.

            What do you do in a situation like that? How do I hold so much painful, yet confidential and incredibly serious information in my one and only brain? Can’t we just have another brain set aside, for all the painful things that we don’t want to accept…don’t want to remember… don’t want to face?

            How do I sit there, after a conversation like that, and go on with my usual ways of thinking? Thinking about such trivial things like how I couldn’t wait to be in the A/C that weekend, or how I was excited to spend my week off on the Island relaxing and having fun. I just couldn’t anymore. Here was this little girl…she’s eleven…and THIS was her life. There was no escape at the end of ten days. There was no hope for the future through a good education when she is failing all her classes because the emotional trauma she went through this year has messed up her ability to focus. And her abusive mother won’t buy her school supplies so she doesn’t even own a backpack or one notebook. There is no hope or support when not even one person believes in her, is kind to her, or tells her “it will all be okay” because they blame her for all the things that have gone wrong in their lives.

            Where is the hope when her drug-addict father is expected to die in a few months or even weeks from AIDS and her family has no money to take her to the doctor, so her eye problems are getting worse and she is slowly loosing her sight more each day? When some people in town are sick and twisted, allowing unthinkable things happen to eleven year old girls that should never, ever happen to anyone... when she is afraid, lonely, lost, and it’s not even safe to walk through her own backyard.

            Yet there she was. In front of ME. Somehow in my crazy hectic life I came from Seattle Washington to Libertad village Belize, 3,650 miles away, on the right day at the right time and by fate or the hand of God was now in the midst of a girl hanging on by a string for her life. So what do I do? What would YOU do?

             All I know is that I couldn’t live with knowing these things and not taking some sort of action. Small as it may be, at least I could try and be the one person to ever speak some love into her broken little heart. To tell her that it isn’t her fault. That she IS loved and she is important and she is beautiful inside and out. To buy her all the school supplies she’ll ever need and tell her that there is hope if she tries her best next year to be first in her class and redeem herself. That education is everything and if she succeeds now, I will find a way for her to get money to attend high school because her parents can’t pay for it and so she wasn’t even planning on going. I will write her letters, send her encouragement, and pray for her every single night that she may one day feel the childlike joy every eleven year old girl deserves to feel.

             She is just one young girl, and I am just one person. But I know that we were placed into each other’s lives for a reason. She told me that she has spent years praying every single night for help… and then we finally showed up. Maybe the whole reason God called me to be in Belize this summer is because He had this meeting planned all along. Maybe, the life of one young girl will now change forever because she finally has someone to believe in her and tell her that she CAN achieve her goals and get out of this mess…

            And maybe I will be blessed even more in return. To see the potential that we as humans have to be as strong as this girl. To open my eyes to the important things in life. And that, if we are faithful servants and we truly believe, God will answer our prayers the way he is doing so for Jamylee. Maybe not always how we expected or wanted, but He makes all things work together for our good. At the end of the week, she presented me with a gift. It was a simple piece of paper with a drawing on it of her favorite flower. On the note she wrote, “Sannon I love you. You are my best friend I ever met.”  

            This is why I am here. These are the things I want to live for. And after an encounter like mine and Jamylee’s… we will never be the same.

Thank you for reading

Love,

Shannon