Only the beginning

Exactly two weeks ago today, I arrived back at home after spending ten weeks doing mission work in (in my opinion) the most beautiful country on this planet. Many, actually ALL of you, who have spoken to me since have asked me the same question: “How are you doing transitioning back into America?” And I have generally answered the same way each time… “Oh it’s not so bad, been an adjustment for sure but I am doing well.”

First let me say that I am truly grateful for all of you who have cared so much to ask about my trip and spent hours listening to stories of my travels around Belize. I am blessed to have such a good support system of family and friends. And I want to apologize to anyone who I have not really responded to yet about my trip because, well, it feels overwhelming and slightly impossible to describe the life changing impact this summer had on me in just a few short sentences.

To be completely honest I’m not sure I really know how to answer that question I’ve been hearing on almost a daily basis for the last two weeks. “How are you doing being back at home Shannon?”

Well...

“How AM I doing?” I ask myself.

Have I taken the time to really process what just happened these last ten weeks?

Or have I simply jumped back into my American life again like it was all a big dream that I finally woke up from in my own comfy bed on the morning of August 13^th?

The reality is that I don’t know how I am doing just yet. I don’t know how to think about Belize yet without feeling slightly lost in my emotions. I gained a family down there. I loved on people more than I’ve ever loved in my entire life. I discovered who I am in ways that I never thought possible. I was healed of some painful wounds from my past, renewed, and restored into an independent and confident woman and then thrown back into my home in the blink of an eye.

I loved it. I miss it. Sometimes so much that it really hurts.

Don’t get me wrong, I am SO grateful to be home. I love my family more than words can express and seeing them and my friends these last two weeks have lifted my spirits more and more each day. I am happy, amazed, and in love with my life here in Seattle and this is not a post that is meant to turn be a sob session.

It is just a post to express the simultaneous heartbreak I feel upon leaving the place, and people, that I fell absolutely in love with this summer.

You see it’s hard to go from a daily routine of meeting new people, making new friends, loving more children, holding more little ones, being out of my comfort zone, relying on God alone, stretching, loving, and growing back to a routine of living comfortably at home and seeing only the same faces again every day. (Amazing faces by the way!) I knew this was coming, but I didn’t know it would be so hard. After all, this was all I knew before Belize, wasn’t it? 

 But that’s just the thing. I am not the same Shannon I was before Belize. My world has expanded. New lenses have been opened in my eyes and I see things in a different light. I look at the very same places, people, and things here in Seattle and I don’t SEE the very same places, people, and things. It is amazing, yet somewhat of a struggle. I see a child walking down the street and immediately want to go pick them up and spin them around and love on them and take them home and hear all about their life. Then I remember where I am and how weird their parents might look at me if I did that…and how I don’t’ actually want to get the cops called on me any time soon. J

So this got me feeling slightly discouraged and frustrated at my own country and the social norms that dictate so much of the way we live. I felt so homesick for Belize and wished I could just go back.

“Take me back… take me back… God please take me back to Belize?” I pleaded. 

No answer.

So I did what I usually do when I’m upset and I ate chocolate (because chocolate fixes all my problems obviously!) And it’s funny, I opened my little piece of Dove chocolate and on the inside of the wrapper was printed a few encouraging words. “You are exactly where you are supposed to be,” read the wrapper. I stared at that for a minute and chuckled to myself. “Thanks you, Jesus.” I thought.

And the reality is that it’s the truth. I am EXACTLY where I am supposed to be. Right here, in Seattle, going to school, with many loved ones surrounding me and no matter how confusing it may seem at times I know it’s all a part of a bigger master plan for my life. So I am going to stop believing that I can only do the things I did in Belize…. IN Belize. Because really, I can love just as many people here, just as deeply, build just as strong relationships and rely just as much on God as I did down there. It is up to me how I want this transition to go and although I know it will still be hard at times, at least I know it will all be worth it in the end.

I had the most amazing, challenging yet rewarding, and life changing summer. I will never forget what I learned in Belize. I will never forget my new family and all my amazing friends down there. And I will go back one day FOR SURE… but until then, I will just continue to bring the love of Belize up here to Seattle. J

Thank you all so much for reading my blog this summer. Thank you for the support, I love and appreciate every one of you more than you know. This was a summer I will never, ever forget and I feel blessed to have had this opportunity at the young age of 20. I can't wait to see what the next chapter of my life will bring.

With much love from Seattle (& Belize at heart!),

Shannon

The calm before the storm

Things have been soooo crazy down here as Hurricane Ernesto slowly but surely approaches Belize... I don't have the energy right now to do a whole blogpost on it so all I will do is copy and paste from my facebook status from this morning to give you guys an idea of what's going on...

"Well, looks like Ernesto is expected to hit sometime tonight at the Belize/Mexico border which is about 38 miles from here... I am in a safe location at D'Victoria hotel here in Orange Walk if you want to keep watch on the news later. The rain and wind have just now began and as the Hurricane gets closer we are expected to lose power so I don't know if I will be able to update you all but we are stocked up on food and water and continued prayers would be awesome...thanks everyone! Pray for Belize! ♥"

Thank you for your prayers everyone! Love you and will keep you posted.

-Shannon

Ten Days Left

Ten days. Ten short days left… can you believe it?!

I can’t.

I can’t BELIZE it! Haha… sorry, I’ve been wanting to do that for a really long time. Had to get it out of my system at some point. ;) 

But really though. It feels like just yesterday I was

running frantically through Wal-Mart with my mom trying to buy last minute supplies for the summer.

Or I was on a plane in the middle of the night, anxiously waiting for my arrival in this beautiful country.

Or on Caye Caulker with the entire staff and all of the Belizean pastors, learning how to speak Creol as they laughed at my ridiculous accent…

It feels like no time at all has passed since my wonderful friends from Chattanooga and I made our way to our first meal at Pastor Ermilio and Consuelos house.

And since I was reunited with Camilo again in San Luis.

And hugging Jamylee so tightly in Libertad… then staying up

late talking to Lani about it that night.

I can’t believe it has been this long since my week off on the Caye, when Kelly and I went to San Pedro and both got sick off of that sketchy ice cream we ate. (hahah)

Or the morning I had that two hour breakfast with those nice people from Lebanon at Happy Lobster.

It seems like I was JUST watching my own youth group walk off of the plane in Belize with overwhelming excitement as Pastor Angel laughed at my emotional self

And I watched as the lives of people I actually knew were transformed in one week…

And we shared tears, laughter, and love, all on the roof of Pancho Villas Hotel.

I can still remember so clearly how delicious that barbeque chicken was at Tabernacle Bautista the night my friends from Virginia and I first arrived in Belmopan.

And the smile on little Joselyn’s face when I handed her two new pairs of shoes.

And the feeling of the hot wind on my face while speeding down the dirt roads on the back of Jose’s motorcycle because my group “accidentally” left me… hahaha (I still forgive you guys don’t worry!)

Yet here I am now, in a cute little village called Yo Creek, almost ready to say goodbye to another phenomenal group of people. And to say hello to my seventh, and final, group of the summer...

It is June 4^th, and I can still see the semi-anxious look on Elizabeth’s face as I shouted for the first time “One day down, sixty nine left to go!”

Well, guess what now Elizabeth?

Sixty days down – ten left to go.

We did it. J

Now let’s finish off this summer strong!